Will you blow on my dice?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
