the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
