Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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