some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
