Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
