you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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