Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
