Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
