I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
