he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
