Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
