My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
