I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
