Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
