According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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