she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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