Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my poor anus
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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