All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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