Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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