so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
