i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
