I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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