It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
