I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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