first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
