her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
