I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
