If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
