Quick, to the slutcave!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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