Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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