Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
