she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
