I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
