I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
