I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
