dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
