I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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