I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
