He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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