New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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