Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize