A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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