i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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