So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.