Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
