I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
