My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????