I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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