I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
