it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You made out with two different species that night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
