If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
