i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
