I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
