After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.