i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across