So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants