The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.