I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want nice things and good sex
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.