Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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