I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
