I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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