Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
