I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
