ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
