I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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