He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am one with the molecules
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
