She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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