Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
