I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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