im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
