I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There r osticjed everywhere
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
